In a forthcoming Hulu documentary called Hillary, former President Bill Clinton says he had his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky in order to “manage my anxieties,” according to Breitbart News.

Clinton recalls how the pressure of being president made him feel like a boxer who had fought 30 rounds and that his fling with Lewinsky was “something that will take your mind off it for a while.”

Clinton also reveals that he first lied to Hillary about it, but later came clean after it became clear he wasn’t telling the truth. “I went and sat on the bed and talked to her. I told her exactly what happened, when it happened. I said I feel terrible about it. We’ve been through quite a bit in the last few years. I said I have no defense, it’s inexcusable what I did.”

Failed presidential candidate Hillary recounts that she was “devastated” by the revelation. “I could not believe it. I was so personally just hurt and I can’t believe this, I can’t believe you lied,” she recalled, adding that subsequent marriage counseling was “painful.”