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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Clearing up Some Definitions, or, Who says that Only Chomsky can Do Linguistics?

Since there has been a lot of confusion lately about definitions of terms, it behooves us to clarify some terms:


1. Capitalist:
A. Someone who owns capital, and thus would include almost all American workers, who own capital through their pension funds.
B. Someone who understands that capitalism is the only system on earth that can produce wealth or reduce poverty.

2. Liberal:
Before 1960, someone who believes in individual freedom, economic freedom, and opposes discrimination.
Since 1970, someone who opposes individual freedom, opposes economic freedom, and supports discrimination.

3. Marxist:
A. An extremely rare form of psychosis and personality disorder.
B. Something someone claims to be to make their Mommy mad.

4. Fidelista: a terminal case of #3.

5. Socialist:
A. Someone who refuses to study economics.
B. Someone practicing recreational compassion.

6. Conservative: see "liberal" for before 1960.

7. Jew - someone born to a Jewish mother or who converted to Judaism.

8. Self-hating Jew: A Jew who supports Arab terrorism and wants Israel destroyed

9. Christian: someone following the teachings of Christ.

10. Zionist: A Jew who is not a self-hating Jew.

11. Anti-Zionist: an Anti-Semite

12. Deconstructionist: a twit with nothing of value to say about anything

13. Progressive: shallow politically-correct liberals and leftists

14. Post-modernist: a Deconstructionist without all that depth in understanding

15. Multiculturalist: someone pretending to be interested in other cultures, as long as no one asks him or her to study a foreign language

16. Humanist: a human speciesist

17. Reconstructionist: see "Deconstructionist"

18. Empowered: a meaningless word PC leftists use to make themselves feel deep

19. Feminist:
A. Before 1970, someone who wants equality of opportunity for the sexes.
B. After 1970, someone who opposes equality of opportunity for the sexes.

20. Palestinian self-determination: the destruction of Israel and its depopulation

21. Democrat: see "liberal".

22. Moderate Republican: see "Democrat".

23. Caring: what liberals claim to be to make themselves feel good.

24. Egalitarian: someone who opposes equality of opportunity.

25 White: an American person with light complexion generally possessing a mix of Caucasian, American Indian, and other racial ancestors.

26. Black: an American person with dark complexion generally possessing a mix of black, Caucasian, American Indian, and other racial ancestors.

27. Hispanic:
A. Anyone speaking Spanish except someone from Spain.
B. Anyone the racist bureaucrats in Washington decide arbitrarily is Hispanic.

28. Asian: someone whose ancestors do not come from Asia west of the Himalaya mountains.

29. Afrocentric: someone who hates white people.

30. Eurocentric: a meaningless adjective attached by PC leftists to everything they do not like.

31. Freedom of speech: something PC leftists want promoted through censorship and speech codes.

32. The media: an Old Boys Club for liberals.

33. Affirmative action: a form of apartheid.


5 Comments:

simulev said...

You forgot one, perhaps the most important.

Islamist: Terrorist

Thu Feb 24, 07:29:07 AM  
SpinDaddy said...

Might I suggest an additional defintion under Progressive?

Progressive: 1.shallow politically-correct liberals and leftists.

2.Subaru-driving-tofu-munching-birkenstock-wearing-socialist-wannabe, lacking sufficient courage of their shallow convictions to even admit their socialistic leanings.

Thu Feb 24, 08:40:36 AM  
Jacob Laksin said...

With all due respect Steven, I have to take issue with your assertion that Moderate Republican equals Democrat. Well, no, it does not. One of the attractive features of the Republican Party, as I understand it, is its considerable diversity. By diversity, I of course mean its diversity of opinion. If the leftwing groupthink that has afflicted our institutions of higher learning is any sign, this is a fact too be celebrated--not ridiculed. To suggest that anyone who doesn’t neatly fall into a Republican Party mold--and what would this be, exactly?--must therefore be a Democrat, is not only inaccurate, but it is also needlessly divisive--an exercise in identity politics better left to its practitioners on the Left.

Thu Feb 24, 12:40:10 PM  
Redbeard said...

The problem, in too many cases, is with the self-application of the term "moderate" by a Republican politician who is really a liberal, but who wants to hide the fact. Jim Jeffords and Lincoln Chaffee come to mind. At least Jeffords finally decided to be honest, and jumped ship so he could vote freely with the liberal Democrats.

In private life, I have an acquaintance who describes himself as a moderate, a middle-of-the-roader, refusing to accept the liberal tag. But he supports unrestricted abortion, opposes everything we've done in Afghanistan and Iraq, campaigned for John Kerry, defends Michael Moore and Ward Churchill, and relishes every opportunity to refer to the President as an idiot and a fascist. If this is a moderate, then where is the left?

Thu Feb 24, 03:14:55 PM  
Ayn R. Key said...

Sorry, #6 is libertarian, not conservative.

Mon Feb 28, 03:40:10 PM  

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